There are many things to think about when going through
a divorce. It’s likely to mean changes to who you live
with, maybe where you live, as well as changes to your
finances. This can be further complicated where children
are involved to care for and support. It’s a huge change
in your life and can be a very difficult and emotional
time.
One of the things you will need to consider is whether
you want to have a lawyer to help with the divorce
process. You can do a lot of the leg work to get a
divorce yourself, and there are companies online who
offer kits that tell you what to do. Or you can ask a
lawyer to do it all for you. There are pros and cons to
each approach. This guide seeks to help you decide
what might suit you best and what to think about if you
do use a lawyer to help with your divorce.
Sadly, sometimes you can have problems with your
lawyer along the way. Thankfully the Legal Ombudsman
is here to help. Based on the type of issues and
complaints we see, here are our top ten tips of what you
can do to help make the right decision if you are getting
a divorce. And if you do decide to use a lawyer, we
hope this guide will help ensure the legal side of things
runs smoothly.
Getting a divorce may not just be about getting the
legal document that says you aren’t married anymore.
There is often a house to think about, shared finances, or
children. Your life is possibly going to be very different
once the divorce goes through, and you have to have
a clear idea before you enter into the divorce process
what you want to try and achieve.
But in deciding what your objectives are for your divorce
settlement, you have to be realistic. Courts try to be
fair to both sides and are usually unwilling to give one
party much more than another unless there is a very
good reason to do so. What they will do is look at what
each of you needs to live on, and if there are children
involved, to put the interests of those children first.
Nor are courts interested in debates about how and
why the relationship broke down, who was right and
who was wrong. You may think that you deserve more
from the divorce because your partner cheated on you
or because you feel their behaviour was unreasonable.
If a court is involved, they will take an objective view,
especially if children are involved. Any settlement the
court considers will be designed to be fair taking into
account current and future need.
So think clearly about what result you are looking for.
The clearer that is in your mind, the simpler it is for your
lawyer to understand what you want and the less room
there is for misunderstanding.
Divorces are much quicker, cheaper and less destructive
if both parties behave in a sensible, co-operative
manner. It is not easy – and sometimes simply not
possible – to agree before you begin how you will
both approach the process. But remember: if you fall
out and the divorce process becomes a prolonged and
bitter battle, the only ones who win will be the lawyers.
If you have savings or equity in your home, these
can quickly get eaten up in legal fees. Whatever the
financial differences between you, you have one thing in
common: you want to give as little of your money as you
can to the lawyers.
So if it is possible, it is sensible to discuss how you will
approach the process with your ex-partner. Simple things
like who petitions for the divorce and what grounds they
use – infidelity, unreasonable behaviour, or separation
– can cause major upset if they come as a shock. The
more you have a clear idea about what you are going
to do and what you can expect your ex to do, the easier
it will be for you to control your case and keep your
costs down.
Mediation is now a standard option within the divorce
process. This is for a very good reason. If you and
your ex can agree on the key issues (with or without
a mediator) – the arrangements for any children, who
has the house, what to do about savings, money and
pensions etc – all the lawyers really have to do is
draw up the agreements and the need for a full court
hearing (with all the expense and risk of disappointment
involved) is avoided.
You may want to make sure you understand your legal
position before you consider mediation. It can also help
to be clear about your financial and other matters as
well, to help agree a settlement. Instructing a lawyer first
is an option; a mediator may also suggest this during
the process as it can help both parties agree. However,
many mediators are also trained lawyers and will help
you to sense check the proposed agreements to help
make sure you are happy with what is agreed in the
longer term.
And you need to be careful about going into mediation
with a fixed idea of what a court would decide;
mediation works best if both people keep an open mind
and are committed to finding a solution that works for
everyone.
Again, if you have a mediated settlement, you may
reduce your legal costs. However, it is important to note
that mediation is not always free and you should be
clear about the costs and how it could link to any legal
advice before you start. Even if you do not reach a
mediated settlement, you will at least have a clearer idea
to give to your lawyer about what to expect from your ex.
The way we purchase legal services is changing. Ten
years ago you’d probably see a local solicitor on your
high street. But things have moved on. Legal services
are now also available online or through call centres.
These modern alternatives might look more cost effective
– since they have lower overheads by offering remote
services – but they might also be based at the other
end of the country, which could impact on how you
communicate with your lawyer.
However, this type of service delivery is more likely
to work for you if you want to do most of the legwork
of getting a divorce yourself. Many firms now offer
online ‘DIY divorce kits’ which provide a complete ‘how
to’ guide on what you need to do to get divorced.
Others offer some very basic advice, like checking
the forms before you submit them. Be aware that by
using these forms you may be taking a risk if anything
unusual or unexpected crops up, or if your divorce isn’t
straightforward and you can’t agree what will happen
with your partner. Sometimes too, the person responsible
for your case may not have the same qualifications
or experience as the lawyer on your local high street,
which could mean that the advice you get may not be as
informed as you’d like it to be.
It is important that you choose a method of service
delivery which suits you. One size won’t fit all, but you
need to be comfortable with the method of service
delivery offered by your lawyer.
As you are shopping around for a lawyer, make sure
that you understand what services each firm is offering
and at what cost. Some firms may offer a fixed quote
but make sure that you are aware what this includes and
what would happen if something unexpected occurs as
this may not be included. Make sure that the quotes are
like-for-like. A lawyer will usually charge legal fees plus
VAT and disbursements (we explain what disbursements
are next). Make sure that all the quotes you get are for
the firm’s fees, VAT and all disbursements so that you can
truly compare like for like.
Disbursements are sums paid by your lawyer to third
parties, such as court fees, expert assessments and
barrister fees. Double check when getting a quote what
disbursements apply and query any disbursements that
haven’t been mentioned by other firms if you’ve shopped
around.
Make sure that any quotes you get contain all costs,
disbursements and VAT. Beware of quotes that look a lot
cheaper than others – as the saying goes, if it looks too
good to be true, it probably is.
A lot of firms will not issue you with a quote but will
instead provide you with an estimate of the amount of
work and their costs. This may make firms difficult to
compare. The estimate should provide a reasonable idea
of the final bill, however this can sometimes be hard to
predict. Therefore, it is important that your lawyer keeps
you updated throughout.
Once you have decided on the lawyer you are intending
to instruct, get a clear estimate of the likely total cost
of your divorce. Make sure you know whether it is a
fixed cost quote or an estimate and what it covers. You
will also need to agree how the lawyer will keep you
informed of the cost you have incurred as the case goes
on, so that you are able to keep a track of your costs.
In some circumstances there are other sources of funding
available. If you are concerned about how you’ll pay for
your divorce, ask your lawyer to explain if these apply
to you. Also, it is worth discussing with the lawyer when
you are expected to pay: up front, in stages or after the
final settlement.
Many of the divorces which go wrong – and the
complaints which arise as a result – do so because there
is a breakdown in communications. Customers are not
clear with their lawyers what they want; lawyers fail to
consult their clients about decisions that are being made.
When this happens, disappointment is guaranteed.
Clarity on both sides is vital. If there is something – for
example a family keepsake – which is not financially
significant but really matters to you, tell your lawyer;
if the lawyer doesn’t know, they can’t make sure that
is factored into the settlement. But the lawyer also
needs to keep you fully informed about how the case
is progressing, asking for your input into key decisions
(whether to accept a suggested settlement or challenge
it; whether to instruct a senior, expensive barrister or a
more junior, cheaper one). That way, there should be
less room for dispute between you.
But it is also essential that you listen to what your
lawyer is advising you. Lawyers are the experts in the
divorce process; that is why we employ them. If your
lawyer believes that you are being unrealistic in your
expectations or should try another course of action, you
should take that advice seriously. It is your case, and you
should be able to have the final say, but a good lawyer
will have your interests at heart and you should value
their advice.
Going through a divorce is a stressful experience; the
emotions involved can allow for poor decisions to be
made. Be aware of how you are feeling and how your
partner is feeling. It may be that some of what you are
each pursuing in the divorce is for emotional rather than
logical reasons and you should think about whether it is
worth the cost both in financial and emotional terms.
Remember, the divorce process is not there to decide
who was right or who was wrong, or to attribute blame
for the break-up. You may feel it is satisfying to put your
ex through hell in the divorce but it can also be very
expensive.
You also need to be conscious that your lawyer is a
professional adviser and representative rather than
a counsellor or friend. Good lawyers will provide a
sympathetic ear but they are a very costly way of getting
emotional support.
Good lawyers will also sometimes challenge you about
what you are doing in a way you may find upsetting; if
this happens, it is because they have your best interests
at heart.
There is no such thing as a silly question. For instance,
you might ask what will happen if you change your
mind and don’t want a divorce at all. Or you might be
wondering whether you have to pay towards some of
your partner’s costs.
Whatever it is, if you’re unsure about something, ask.
Your lawyer is the legal expert and that’s what you’re
ultimately paying them for. All too often people can feel
intimidated when dealing with professionals who are
experts in their field but you shouldn’t. Most lawyers will
welcome questions if there is something you’re unsure of
or worried about. And it can help prevent problems later
on if you mention what’s on your mind at the time.
If there is a problem with your lawyer’s service you
should tell them. The vast majority of lawyers want to do
a good job and will want to try to put it right.
If you don’t get what you want, remember that you are
entitled to complain. If you do complain, be clear about
what you think has gone wrong and what you want
done. As always, stay calm and be reasonable. But
hold your ground: you are the client and it is your case.
Following our top ten tips should help reduce your
chances of adding to the stresses that can come with
getting a divorce. However, if things do go wrong, and
you can’t resolve the complaint with your lawyer directly,
the Legal Ombudsman may be able to help.
You can contact us in the following ways:
You can call us on
(Calls to the Legal Ombudsman cost the same as a
normal 01 or 02 landline number, even from a mobile
phone, and are recorded for training and monitoring
purposes.)
We are open Monday to Friday
between 8.30am and 5.30pm.
If you are calling from overseas,
please call +44 121 245 3050.
For our minicom call 0300 555 1777.
You can also email us at
If you want to find out more about us and what we do,
please visit
If you prefer, you can write to us at
Legal Ombudsman
PO Box 6167
SLOUGH
SL1 0EH
