OVERVIEW & SAMPLE REPORT!
SAVING YOUR MARRIAGE BEFORE IT STARTS
SY BIS
ASSESSMENT
"I am floored. This is amazing! Couldn't be
more excited to use this with couples in our
church. It outclasses everything I've ever seen.”
—Jonathan Hoover, NewSpring Church
Helping Couples Launch Lifelong Love Like Never Before
HOW THE SYMBIS ASSESSMENT WORKS
Preparing couples for lifelong love has never been easier or more effective
with this robust and personalized tool. It's easy as 1-2-3. Literally.!
© SYMBIS.com
Become Certified Facilitator
In just 3 hours you complete your training online,
at your own pace. You’ll even receive a certificate
worth framing.
Invite Couples to Take Assessment
As a facilitator, you have your own full-featured
Dashboard where you can easily invite couples to
take the assessment and a whole lot more.
Unpack the Report
With the powerful 15-page Report in hand, you
determine the number of sessions for debriefing
it with the couple (or group of couples).
"Total game-changer! The SYMBIS Assessment
takes pre-marriage to the stratosphere. #I’m so
grateful to have a tool like this to help couples.”
—Bill Yaccino, Journey Community Church
Who is the SYMBIS Assessment for?
Everyone who works with engaged or newly married couples:
pastors, chaplains, counselors, coaches, and marriage mentors.
Become a SYMBIS Facilitator now: SYMBIS.com
SYMBIS ASSESSMENT CONTENT
The 15-page Report, packed with practical and personalized insights, makes this the
world’s most powerful pre-marriage tool. No need to explain confusing constructs–get
straight to what matters most.
•
Mindset: Research reveals 5
possible attitudes toward marriage.
The SYMBIS Report not only shows
you which one each person has, but
how their mindsets mesh.
•
Wellbeing: A marriage can only be
as healthy as the two people in it.
The report reveals the psychological,
emotional, and spiritual health of
each person as well as any “caution
flags” needing to be explored.
•
Context: One not only marries
another person but also their
circumstances, their “baggage.” The
Report reveals each person’s social
support, financial picture, and
family of origin. Second marriages
and blended families can also be
addressed.
•
Dynamics: The Report shows how
two complex and unique God-given
personalities combine on the issues
that matter most: love, sex,
communication, conflict, attitude
and spirituality.
© SYMBIS.com
•
50+ Discussion Starters baked into the
pages of the report, ensuring success as a
facilitator and lively engagement from the
couple.
Overview page included in 15-page Report
•
Marriage Momentum gives you an at-a-glance
aggregate of a couple’s entire report.
ASSESSMENT EXPERIENCE
The experience of taking an online assessment has been reimagined for a
new generation of couples - making it more flexible, interactive, and
accessible than ever.
© SYMBIS.com
•
Each person independently answers 300 questions in about 30
minutes
•
10 unique question-types, including drag-n-drop, image selection,
etc., alleviates “survey fatigue” and bolsters validity of results
•
Progress bar encourages participants along the way
•
Accessible on virtually any screen, giving mobile-centric couples
plenty of flexibility
SYMBIS FACILITATOR TRAINING
Becoming certified has never been easier or more convenient. Perfect for
counselors, pastors, chaplains, coaches and Marriage Mentors.
!
© SYMBIS.com
•
3-hour online video
training at your own pace
on virtually any device
•
Walk through the 15-
page Report with Drs. Les
& Leslie Parrott as they
model how to unpack it
with a real couple
•
Download 100-page Training Manual for in-depth study and
reference (including guidance for one-on-one, groups and classes)
•
More than 50 practical tips for maximizing impact
•
A credit in your Dashboard for taking the assessment yourself
•
Certificate of
completion suitable
for framing
•
Training can be
complemented with
additional 5-hour
online Marriage
Mentoring Academy,
ideal for lay couples
Modeling report unpack with a real life couple
Psychologists and best-selling authors Drs. Les & Leslie Parrott
SYMBIS FACILITATOR DASHBOARD
Managing the couples in your care just got easier. Intuitive and full-
featured, your Dashboard keeps busy facilitators sharp and effective.
!
© SYMBIS.com
•
Get real-time notifications of couple’s progress
•
View changes at-a-glance since last login
•
Invite couples with one-click to begin the process
•
Access 15-page report to unpack with couple
•
Purchase bulk credits at discount or have couples pay directly
•
Easily identify your couples through avatars
•
Download promotional toolkit, slide deck, and other helps
•
Quickly sort, search and archive couples
Become a SYMBIS Facilitator now: SYMBIS.com
WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING
© SYMBIS.com
“Every engaged and newlywed couple needs to read this
book by Les and Leslie. And while you’re at it, don’t miss
out on the incredible SYMBIS Assessment. It’s fantastic.”
Shaunti Feldhahn
Best-selling author of For Women Only and For Men Only
“There are few People I know more equipped to coach
couples into healthy God-honoring intimacy, than Drs. Les
and Leslie.”
John Ortberg
Pastor, Menlo Park Presbyterian Church
“Les and Leslie are the go-to couple for launching lifelong
love. #SYMBIS is right on the money.”
Dave Ramsey
Founder of Financial Peace University
“We want every couple we marry at Life.Church to
experience the SYMBIS Assessment. It’s the best tool we
have found. SYMBIS guarantees a personalized and
profound process for helping couples start smart. Don’t
miss out on this fantastic tool. What Les and Leslie have
developed will take your marriage prep preparation
process to a whole new level.”
Craig Groeschel
Founder and Senior Pastor of Life.Church
!
© SYMBIS.com
“What SYMBIS does is nothing short of revolutionary.”
Gary Chapman
Author of The Five Love Languages
“We love Les and Leslie. They are our go-to couple for all-
things marriage prep. The SYMBIS Assessment is a must-
do.”
Judah Smith
Author of Jesus Is ____
“I’ve been waiting for a strong, modern pre-marriage
assessment - and SYMBIS is it! You won’t find a better,
fresher, or more intuitive tool for helping today’s couples.
It’s contemporary yet thorough grounded in decades of
research.”
Dr. Tim Clinton
President of the American Association of Christian Counselors
–– trusted by ––
The following pages are an actual report from
a real-life couple (Chris and Toni) who gave us
permission to share their results. Keep in mind
that every couple’s SYMBIS Report is unique
and personalized to them.
© SYMBIS.com
TONI DAY & CHRIS CRARY
Date Completed: 9/12/2014
DRS. LES AND LESLIE PARROTT
206.123.4321
Prepared by:
Report for:
SAVING YOUR MARRIAGE BEFORE IT STARTS
SY BIS
ASSESSMENT
SYMBIS.com
TONI CHRIS
ABOUT US
General
Age
Ethnic Background
Religious Affiliation
Education
Employment Status
Employment Category
Family of Origin
Parents’ marital status
How you were raised
Birth order in family
Number of kids in family
Relationship
Wedding Date
Relationship Status
Previous Marriages
Number of children
Expecting a child
Length of dating relationship
Stability of dating relationship
Long distance relationship
27
Caucasian
Christian/Non-denominational
College
Full Time
Education
Divorced
Raised by mother
Third born
3
10/1/14
Engaged (not living together)
0
0
No
18-24 months
Smooth & steady
No
29
Caucasian
Christian/Non-denominational
College
Full Time
Professional Services
Married
Both biological parents
Fifth born
5
10/1/14
Engaged (not living together)
0
0
No
18-24 months
Smooth & steady
No
Date Completed: 9/12/2014
Invite Code: CXYZXYZ
GETTING THE MOST FROM YOUR SYMBIS REPORT
What you’re about to experience through this report will help you launch one of the greatest adventures of
your life: marriage. With the help of your certified facilitator, you will discover countless new insights and
dozens of new skills to strengthen your bond.
Our Goals Together with SYMBIS
1. Obtain a clear picture of your personal and relational momentum for marriage.
2. Gain new insights into your personalities and how they work together.
3. Gain new skills to strengthen your relationship for lifelong love.
© Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott
1
ASSESSMENT
SY BIS
Congratulations! Your relationship has strong momentum for a growing and
thriving marriage. The combination of your mindsets, your psychological health
as individuals, and your compatibility as a couple, provides you with promising
vitality for lifelong love. Beware, however, this does not exempt you from
bumps in the road – that’s part of married life. The good news? Your strong
momentum puts you in a prime place for maximizing what you’ll learn during
your SYMBIS Assessment. Use your momentum to get all you can out of this
experience.
OVERVIEW: MARRIAGE MOMENTUM
© Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott
2
The Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts (SYMBIS) book and His/Her Workbook
Set can be used to augment your experience with this report–however, it’s not
required. A small prompt on some pages will point you to relevant chapters.
Learn more: www.store.LesandLeslie.com
TONI CHRIS
HIGH
ASSESSMENT
SY BIS
DYNAMICS
CONTEXT
WELLBEING
88%
3 Caution Flag(s)
97%
0 Caution Flag(s)
MINDSET
ROMANTIC MINDSET RESOLUTE MINDSET
COOPERATING SPOUSE AFFIRMING SPOUSE
You approach marriage with more idealism than
most. In some respects, you’re living out your
own romantic script with the “soulmate” of your
dreams. In fact, you are nearly twice as likely as
the average person to say, “There’s only one
perfect person for me.” Love conquers all for you.
You believe in a soul-to-soul connection that
doesn’t require much effort and you expect it to
not only last forever but to bring you both unend-
ing bliss.
You are a true believer when it comes to matri-
mony. In fact, you have the highest marriage
motivation of any other category. You are more
than twice as likely as your peers to say: “Divorce
is not an option.” You are marrying for life. You
resonate with words like devotion, dedication,
and commitment. More than others, you are
likely to want to have children at some point, too.
In fact, only 2% of Resolutes say they never want
children.
You don’t share the same mindset, but you both share a passion for a loving marriage. The two of you bring
together a combination of dedication and idealism. This can work well as long as both of you are sensitive
to your differing attitudes and you’re both willing to work as a team. A Romantic mindset is often tempted
to ignore real-life work because it doesn’t fit their “love story.” Yet the Resolute perspective can learn from
the Romantic how to lean a bit more into the softer side of love. The key is honest discussions about your
values and your commitment to each other – even when times get tough. That’s not always as easy with a
Romantic mindset, but it’s crucial.
Bottom line? While you’re not exactly a like-minded match, your prospects for life-long love are good. You’ll
have some differences to work out. But if you are willing to make some compromises and adjust some
expectations (as noted later in this report) a bit you will learn from each other and build a life-long marriage
together.
HOW YOUR MINDSETS MESH
RESOLUTE
MINDSET
RATIONAL
MINDSET
ROMANTIC
MINDSET
RESTLESS
MINDSET
RELUCTANT
MINDSET
MINDSET
What’s your attitude toward marriage? Research reveals the course of your relationship will
be impacted by the combination of your two mindsets toward marriage. Which of the five
are you?
ToniChris
What do you think about your results?
What makes you feel good and what concerns you at this stage and why?
Refer to Chapter 1 of SYMBIS: “Have You Faced the Myths of Marriage with Honesty?”
3
RESOLUTE
MINDSET
ROMANTIC
MINDSET
ASSESSMENT
SY BIS
RELATIONSHIP
WELLBEING
SELF
CONCEPT
INDIVIDUAL
WELLBEING
When it comes to your sense of self and your
confidence in your abilities, you vacillate. At
times you feel strong and sure of yourself
but you also have just as many times when
you feel unstable. Your self-esteem wavers.
By default, your age (over 25) puts you in an
optimal zone for lifelong marriage. Ages 24
and younger are correlated with higher
divorce rates.
You tend to be your own person who is likely
to be more objective about your current
relationship. As a result, you report having
minimal unresolved issues or pain in
relation to your parents. This sense of
healthy autonomy will aid you in building a
strong alliance in your marriage.
The mere fact that you two have dated for less than two years puts you into a moderate
caution zone for longevity. Dating for a minimum of two years correlates with the highest
rate of marital satisfaction.
Abuse between parents
Partner’s annoying habit
Depression
WELLBEING
Your marriage can only be as healthy as the two of you. Exploring your wellbeing as
individuals, as well as the wellbeing of your relationship, is vital to launching enduring love.
When it comes to your individual as well as relationship wellbeing, what concerns you the
most and why?
Refer to Chapter 1 of SYMBIS: “Have You Faced the Myths of Marriage with Honesty?”
4
LONGEVITY:
Because you characterize your relationship as being consistent, reliable, and dependable,
with little turbulence or conflict, you are more likely to have practiced negotiation and
compromise. Your stability bodes well for your marital readiness.
STABILITY:
You share a great deal of your core values and this heightens your marital readiness.
SIMILARITY:
91%
3
0
MATURITYINDEPENDENCE
None
CAUTION
FLAGS
88% 97%
You have a strong sense of yourself. You
know who you are and you have confidence
in your abilities. In short, you have a healthy
self-concept that bolsters emotional health
and wellbeing.
By default, your age (over 25) puts you in an
optimal zone for lifelong marriage. Ages 24
and younger are correlated with higher
divorce rates.
You tend to be your own person who is likely
to be more objective about your current
relationship. As a result, you report having
minimal unresolved issues or pain in
relation to your parents. This sense of
healthy autonomy will aid you in building a
strong alliance in your marriage.
ASSESSMENT
SY BIS
Toni: You have a great deal of social support
from your friends and family as it relates to
your relationship. Having their blessing is a
tremendous advantage for having a great start
in your marriage.
Chris: You have a great deal of social
support from your friends and family as it
relates to your relationship. Having their
blessing is a tremendous advantage for
having a great start in your marriage.
Toni: The relationship you have with your
partner’s parents seems optimistic and support-
ive.
Chris: The relationship you have with your
partner’s parents seems optimistic and
supportive.
Toni: You view your religious faith and the
people you worship with to be a significant part
of your social support system.
Chris: You view your religious faith and the
people you worship with to be a significant
part of your social support system.
Toni: You feel very good about how your
individual networks of social relationships are
melding. You feel good about your partner’s
investment in your friends and vise versa.
Chris: You feel very good about how your
individual networks of social relationships
are melding. You feel good about your
partner’s investment in your friends and vise
versa.
complemented
CONTEXT: SOCIAL SUPPORT
You’re marrying a set of circumstances as well as each other. Being aware of how your two
worlds combine on a practical level is essential to making sure they don’t collide on an
emotional level.
Are you each satisfied with your current level of social support? What do you wish were
different and why? What can you do to improve your social support as a couple?
Refer to Chapter 1 of SYMBIS: “Have You Faced the Myths of Marriage with Honesty?”
5
SUPPORT OF FRIENDS AND FAMILY FOR OUR RELATIONSHIP
-
+
MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MY IN-LAWS
NETWORK OF MUTUAL FRIENDS WE BOTH ENJOY
SOCIAL SUPPORT FROM MY FAITH COMMUNITY
-
+
-
+
-
+
ASSESSMENT
SY BIS
MONEY TALKS
• In my home growing up, money was…
• When I think about our financial future…
• What you may not know about money and me is…
• The thing I appreciate about you in relationship to money is…
• When it comes to money, I’d like to improve my…
• One specific action we could take right now that would help me is…
To minimize friction over finances, you’ll want to keep the communication channels
clear. Completing these sentences with your Facilitator will help you do just that:
CONTEXT: FINANCES
Your financial skills, attitude and history, make up an important part of the context you’re
bringing into marriage. A healthy “money talk” will curtail countless currency conflicts.
What’s one practical action step you can both take within the next month to ensure
your relationship is on the best financial path?
Refer to Chapter 1 of SYMBIS: “Have You Faced the Myths of Marriage with Honesty?”
6
What concerns you most about the financial context you’re each bringing into your
marriage and why? What gives you peace about your financial future?
MONEY MATRIX
Less than $10,000: You
report having some financial
debt and you’ll want to
explore how the two of you
will manage that.
You report having no finan-
cial debt. Terrific!
“I live by a budget
religiously.”
TONI CHRIS
Lack of Influence
Lack of Security
Lack of Respect
Not Realizing Dreams
SAVER SAVER
TONI CHRIS
TONI
CHRIS
“I live by a budget
religiously.”
TONI
CHRIS
ASSESSMENT
SY BIS
We both agree on who
is doing these things:
CONTEXT: EXPECTATIONS
Making your roles conscious: for most people, the biggest part of their “context” is what
they unconsciously learned about a husband and wife’s roles from their family of origin.
How are you going to handle role behaviors where you are currently not in sync?
What can help you decide who does what?
Refer to Chapter 1 of SYMBIS: “Have You Faced the Myths of Marriage with Honesty?”
7
Mom
Dad
Me
You
Mom
Dad
Me
You
Caring for a petNeither
Providing income
Toni Staying home with children
Making the bedToni
We need to decide on:
ASSESSMENT
SY BIS
Cooking mealsToni
Maintaining ties with friends
Making major decisions
Initiating talks about relationship
Talking about spiritual matters
Maintaining ties with relatives
Scheduling social events
Grocery shoppingToni
Doing the dishes
Planning vacations & holidays
Taking out the trash
Fixing things around the houseChris
Auto maintenance
Gassing up the carBoth
Chris Paying bills and handling finances
Yard workBoth
LaundryBoth
Cleaning the house
Disciplining the children
Toni
Decorating the house
Toni
MOTIVATION TO REMARRY
Reasons to proceed with caution
Rebounding from a previous marriage
Rebelling against my ex-spouse
Persistent loneliness
Financial advancement
Pressure from others
Sense of obligation
Not at All
A Little
Not at All
More Than a Little
Not at All
Not at All
More Than a Little
A Little
A Little
Not at All
Not at All
Absolutely
Not at All
Not at All
Absolutely
A Little
Not at all
More Than a Little
YOUR REMARRIAGE READINESS
Contexts you’re bringing with you:
Unresolved issues with ex-spouse or ex-in-laws
Financial or legal issues with ex-spouse
Still deeply grieving the loss of previous marriage
Yes
No
Yes
No
No
Yes
BLENDING A FAMILY
Thoughts to explore:
Feel uninformed about how to blend family
Feel sure children will adjust quickly
Feel torn between partner and children
YesYes Feel like I’m competing for attention
NoNo Feel the kids will work us against each other
CONTEXT: REMARRIAGE & BLENDING A FAMILY
You have a unique set of challenges but there is no reason you can’t make your second
marriage a first-class success.
What’s your biggest concern in relationship to the children?
What are you looking forward to? What are your fears?
Refer to Chapters 1 & 8 of Saving Your Second Marriage Before It Starts:
“Are You Ready to Get Married Again?” & “Do You Know How to Blend a Family?”
7A
In general, how do you feel about your remarriage readiness?
What gives you peace of mind and what causes you anxiety?
What questions or concerns does this raise in your mind?
Which issue, if any, provokes distress or unease?
ASSESSMENT
SY BIS
COOPERATING
SPOUSE
You may be well thought of because you rarely
antagonize others or rarely want the spotlight. You
become most comfortable in situations when the
best offense is a good defense. You seldom act
aggressively toward your spouse, but will demon-
strate a passive resistance from time to time. When
meeting new people, you may be rather unassuming
and mild mannered. You will be cooperative and
easygoing in social groups and family events,
because of an inherent need not to make waves or
cause hostility. You are rather quiet and modest. You
tend not to show assertiveness and are never
domineering or self-centered. You prefer your
spouse to be in the spotlight rather than yourself.
You show a tendency to be tardy or late; your
natural interest in people causes this. You are so
busy with others that you lose track of time and may
cause conflict with your "on-time" spouse. You have
to be with people. This extends into the need to gain
popularity, achieve social recognition and influence
those people around you, including your spouse.
The "bottom-line" is a strong people orientation. You
have a strong sense of humor. You usually know
when to lighten a difficult situation, amuse and
entertain people. You have a strong feeling of
optimism, considered favorably by your spouse and
most people around you. Your perception is that the
glass is half-full rather than half-empty.
DYNAMICS
Here’s a snapshot of your two personalities–their similarities and differences. There’s no
right or perfect combination, the key is understanding and appreciating your differences.
Identify the top 1 or 2 statements from your paragraph that you agree with most about
yourself. Give some examples that explain why these are true.
Refer to Appendix of SYMBIS: “Discovering Your Personality Dynamics”
8
AFFIRMING
SPOUSE
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ASSESSMENT
SY BIS
4
3
4
YOUR DYNAMICS: COOPERATING SPOUSE + AFFIRMING SPOUSE
STRENGTHS YOU BRING
TO THE RELATIONSHIP
A good team player--positive participation.
Never a dull moment.
Excite others into getting involved.
Creative in playtime with your spouse.
Motivate others toward positive goals.
YOUR STYLES
You two are a fun and relatively easygoing couple. You share an encouraging spirit and social graces. Others are
likely drawn to the two of you because you’re easy to be with. Chris (Affirming Spouse) may be a bit more talkative
than Toni but you’re both verbal. This will serve your marriage well. You’ll both need to beware of reading signs of
disapproval from each other where they don’t exist – instead giving each other the benefit of the doubt. This can
help you avoid unnecessary tension. Chris (Affirming Spouse) is likely a bit more impulsive while Toni (Cooperat-
ing Spouse) may be a bit more persistent. This is a helpful combination that brings fun and productivity to your
relationship.
DYNAMICS
There has never been a marriage like the one you two are creating together. The combina-
tion of your two personalities can be mapped out to discover how you are hard-wired to
give and receive love.
Consider some real life examples in your relationship where these play out.
How can you genuinely appreciate your differences in these four categories?
Refer to Appendix of SYMBIS: “Discovering Your Personality Dynamics”
9
What do you think and feel about the shared dynamics of your two personalities
and how they mix? What can you do, in practical terms, to leverage your Dynamics?
Identify the top 1 or 2 statements you agree with most about yourself.
Explain why. Note the top strength you appreciate about your partner.
FACTS FEELINGS
INFLUENCING EACH OTHER
ACCEPT RESIST
REACTING TO CHANGE
SPONTANEOUS CAUTIOUS
MAKING DECISIONS
REFLECTIVE AGGRESSIVE
SOLVING PROBLEMS
5
2
2
4
1
Toni top / Chris bottom
ASSESSMENT
SY BIS
An excellent "win-win" type of negotiator.
Will gather facts before offering an opinion.
Socially poised and people-oriented.
Enthusiastic about activities and involvement.
Bring a feeling of security and stability.
HOW YOU DEFINE LOVE
HOW YOU VIEW LOVE IN PRACTICAL TERMS
Being heart-felt, vulnerable,
and giving the benefit of the
doubt.
Being attentive and giving
each other affection and
acceptance.
LET’S TALK ABOUT SEX
Are you abstaining from sex?
YES YES
How do you rate your desire?
7 10
Who do you expect to initiate sex?
YOU BOTH
How often do you expect to have sex?
EVERY OTHER DAY
TONI CHRIS
TONI CHRIS
TONI CHRIS
TONI CHRIS
DYNAMICS: LOVE
What is love? Perhaps it’s no surprise that everyone seems to have their own answer. After
all, each of us is hardwired uniquely for giving and receiving love.
As you prepare for marriage, what other sexual issues or questions come to mind?
What issue related to sexuality causes some anxiety for you?
Refer to Chapter 2 of SYMBIS: “Can You Identify Your Love Style?”
10
How are your top 3 items similar or different from each other? Elaborate on the qualities you
chose. How would each of you complete this sentence: “I feel most loved when you...”
What aspects of your definition do you agree with most and how would you elaborate on it?
How can you help your partner love you in ways you most desire? Use concrete examples.
FIRST
SECOND
THIRD
FOURTH
FIFTH
TRUST
HONESTY
FRIENDSHIP
KINDNESS
RESPECTFRIENDSHIP
COMMITMENT
EXCITEMENT
LONGING
KINDNESS
EVERY OTHER DAY
COOPERATING
SPOUSE
AFFIRMING
SPOUSE
ASSESSMENT
SY BIS
72%
The percentages depict how optimistic, adaptable and resilient
you are when faced with a challenge.
Maintaining resilience can be challenging for you.
When faced with an unforeseen difficulty, you
occasionally struggle to maintain an up-beat
attitude. Worry can sometimes get the best of
you and your attitude.
Your resilience level is high. Relative to others,
you are an optimistic person and you generally
do a good job of adjusting to circumstances
beyond your control. You’re generally up-beat
and positive.
YOU AT YOUR BEST WHEN FACING A CHALLENGE
Based on your personality profiles, here are your most constructive
natural coping tendencies when life becomes demanding.
DYNAMICS: ATTITUDE
Marriage was never intended to make you happy–you make your marriage happy. How? It
all comes down to attitude and adaptability, in other words, your ability to adjust to things
outside your control.
What do you agree or disagree with? Why? Think of a real life scenario where
you saw this to be true. What could you have done to be easier to live with?
Refer to Chapter 3 of SYMBIS: “Have You Developed the Habit of Happiness?”
11
What do you think about your results? What about your partner’s? In specific terms, how
will the two of you adjust to an unfavorable circumstance? Real life examples?
80%
FEARFUL
HESITANT
INTIMIDATED
TALKATIVE
POOR LISTENER
SELF-PROMOTER
PATIENT
DIPLOMATIC
STEADY
METHODICAL
DEPENDABLE
POSITIVE
UPBEAT
ENCOURAGING
RESPECTFUL
EASY-GOING
HOW YOUR PARTNER MAY PERCEIVE YOU UNDER STRESS
COOPERATING SPOUSE AFFIRMING SPOUSE
ASSESSMENT
SY BIS
COMMUNICATION SKILLS YOU’D LIKE TO IMPROVE
HOW YOU LIKE YOUR PARTNER TO COMMUNICATE WITH YOU
Being ready to apologize
Identifying and expressing feelings
Inviting and receiving feedback
Listening without interrupting
Coming across as personally warm
Expressing more genuine interest
Plan sufficient time to talk and listen.
Take time to be certain that you reach an agreement.
Talk about expectations.
Be sincere and use a tone of voice that shows sincerity.
Plan interactions that support dreams and goals.
Offer opinions and ideas that are stimulating.
Be stimulating, fun-loving, and fast-moving.
Attempt to isolate him from potential interruptions.
Offer immediate rewards for accomplishments.
Ask for opinions and ideas.
You specialize in listening. You create a warm and
safe environment for great conversations, allow-
ing your partner to feel at ease and open much of
the time. Your conversations are rarely judgmen-
tal and you’re often quite patient, listening long
after others would have interrupted. This goes a
long way in helping you and your partner have
collaborative conversations. You help your
partner feel understood and valued and that
helps them to open up. You try to stay clear of
conversations that involve confrontation.
You’re rarely at a loss for words. You love to talk.
You bask in the attention of being listened to. It’s
one of your most telling ways of monitoring your
approval rating with your spouse. The more your
spouse listens, the more you feel loved. And
you’re adept at moving the conversation to be as
entertaining as possible. You’re likely a great
listener, as well. But you want the listening to go
both ways or it’s no fun. So, communication for
you is a primary means for giving and receiving
love in your marriage. If you’re having communi-
cation problems, you are, by defacto, having
marriage problems.
DYNAMICS: COMMUNICATION
Communication is the lifeblood of your relationship. The more understanding and better
understood each of you feels, the stronger your marriage.
Why did you each choose these items? In practical terms, how can you improve and help
each other in the process? Give examples.
Refer to Chapt 4 of SYMBIS: “Can You Say What You Mean and Understand What You Hear?”
12
What do you agree or disagree with? Why? What real life examples come to mind in illus-
trating your talk style?
Select the two you resonate with most. Explain why they are important to you. Give exam-
ples of when and how they can do this for you. How can you help your partner succeed?
TONI CHRIS
COOPERATING
SPOUSE
AFFIRMING
SPOUSE
ASSESSMENT
SY BIS
YOUR TOP 5 NEEDS
WHAT TONI NEEDS TO
KNOW ABOUT CHRIS:
As your husband, Chris will need more shared
activity.
As a dating couple, you enjoy lots of shared
activity. Research shows this tends to diminish
once you marry. Husbands place surprising
importance on having their wife as a recreational
companion.
Why this matters:
Chris, more than you, connects emotionally by
doing things together.
WHAT CHRIS NEEDS TO
KNOW ABOUT TONI:
As your wife, Toni will need to be cherished
more than you think.
In your dating relationship, you focused a lot on
woowing Toni. Research reveals that this will
inevitably fade once you’re married because you
will become more focused on providing for her
than cherishing her.
Why this matters:
Toni will be more passionate and intimate with
you when she feels cherished.
DYNAMICS: GENDER
We all know men and women are different, but understanding how these differences drive
our deepest needs, on top of our unique personalities, can make or break a relationship.
Why do these needs top your list? How will your partner know when these
needs are being met? Be as specific and concrete as you can.
Refer to Chapter 5 of SYMBIS: “Have You Bridged the Gender Gap?”
13
What recreational activities can you
enjoy with Chris through the years?
In what practical ways will Toni
know you are cherishing her?
1
2
3
4
5
SEX
AFFECTION
COMPANIONSHIP
RESPECT
ROOTEDNESS
INTIMACY
CONVERSATION
SEX
COMPANIONSHIP
COMMITMENT
ASSESSMENT
SY BIS
Chores
Priorities
Money
Sex
Communication
Chores
Children
Careers
Money
Sex
Every couple has a list of issues that are prone to conflict. Your hot topics, listed
in priority below, are most likely to spark tension for the two of you:
You hesitate to act on a problem unless a solu-
tion is clear, or the risk is small.
You become evasive if not sure of a position, or
the position of others.
You become defensive when involving risk--pre-
ferring to keep things the same.
You yield position to avoid controversy--attempt
to avoid an antagonistic environment.
PERSONAL CONFLICT CHALLENGES
These can limit your ability to successfully manage conflict
You are not attentive to detail; as a result, some
small details might be ignored or forgotten.
You spend money impulsively rather than evalu-
ating affordability.
You are a situational listener if not given an
opportunity to share ideas.
You become so enthusiastic that you are impul-
sive in activities.
When making plans, you can be
precise and systematic. You will
display discernment and a good
sense of timing in selecting the right
decision at the appropriate time. At times, you may
be rather hesitant in making decisions. This may
occur because you have a need to obtain and
evaluate information before making a decision. You
may not attempt to commit yourself or declare
intentions initially, but will when in situations where
you can weigh the pros and cons of various ideas or
activities. You are usually careful and cautious in
most social and family situations. You will probably
not go over the speed limits, or disobey written or
unwritten rules in the community.
HOT TOPICS
DYNAMICS: CONFLICT
Conflict is inevitable, even for loving couples. It’s the price we pay for a deeper level of
intimacy. When you learn to fight a good fight, you can use conflict to your advantage.
Knowing these topics are likely to spark tension, how can you use this information to curb
conflicts? Give a concrete example of how you can better manage each one.
Refer to Chapter 6 of SYMBIS: “Do You Know How to Fight a Good Fight?”
14
What do you resonate with most from each list? Explore why these happen and discuss
what you can both do to grow in these areas. Use real life examples.
What do you agree or disagree with? Why? Select two or three statements from your para-
graph that you agree with most and explain how they may influence conflicts.
COOPERATING SPOUSE AFFIRMING SPOUSE
When working on plans for activities,
you must feel that you are "in on
things." You will generally offer
creative ideas or suggest activities.
You can be intense when confronted with a tough
problem. The intensity may not always fit the
problem; that is, sometimes you can get intense
over a problem that looks tough, but in actuality is
not. To be more effective, you should be more
organized. Don't let things pile up; handle matters
and get them out of the way, especially things that
your spouse is counting on to be finished. You
mean well in starting numerous activities, but your
involvement with so many usually forces some
aside. As a result, some things go unfinished.
ASSESSMENT
SY BIS
Yes
Yes
Yes
Yes
Yes
Yes
Yes
Yes
Yes
Yes
Yes
Yes
Yes
No
Yes
Yes
Yes
Yes
No
Yes
YOUR SPIRITUAL LIFE TOGETHER
What you believe about spiritual practices in marriage:
Attend church weekly.
Go to the same church.
Discuss spiritual issues.
Receive communion together regularly.
Agree on theology.
Give a financial tithe and/or offering.
Pray for each other.
Pray together every day.
Be involved in serving others together.
Study the Bible together regularly.
Refer to Chapter 7 of SYMBIS: “Are You and Your Partner Soul Mates?”
15
Explore what each of you do to feel closest to God. Give specific examples of when and what
you do. How can you support each other in these practices?
Would you consider yourselves in sync spiritually? Why or why not?
How would you finish these two sentences right now:
“My spiritual life has been...”
“When it comes to our shared spiritual life...”
WHERE DO WE GO FROM HERE?
Congratulations on completing your SYMBIS Assessment! To help you get your
marriage off to a great start, we have additional resources you may find helpful on
the following page. With every good wish and prayer.
--Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott
Being compassionate and loving
others even if it means significant
sacrifice. You are drawn to people in
need, and the more needs you
meet, the more energized you feel.
Connecting in a small group and
being accountable to them. You
may struggle to pray on your own
but not in a group. You are ener-
gized by socializing and fellowship
with other believers.
YOU FEEL CLOSEST TO GOD THROUGH:
DYNAMICS: SPIRITUALITY
Even happily married couples eventually discover a soulful longing to bond with their lover,
not just for comfort or passion–but also for spiritual meaning.
ASSESSMENT
SY BIS
LAUNCHING YOUR LIFE LONG LOVE
Let’s identify your biggest take-aways from this experience. And whether you are engaged or
newly married, here are a few suggestions for successfully launching your lifetime of love.
SYMBIS.com
16
One of the most effective ways to ensure that your relationship stays healthy
and strong is to have a more experienced “go-to” couple that has traveled the
road before you. Do you have a couple you’d like to mentor you? Send them
to MarriageMentoring.com for information and training.
FIND A MARRIAGE MENTOR
You can never check “growing” off of your to-do list. Smart couples grow by
reading marriage books, attending an annual marriage seminar, and some-
times having a group of couples they meet with. To get you started, we’re
giving you a 15% discount on your first order at LesandLeslie.com. To get
your unique discount code, email [email protected]
GROW YOUR LOVE
ASSESSMENT
SY BIS
Facebook.com/LesandLeslie
Twitter.com/LesParrott
Youtube.com/user/DrsLesandLeslie
MY GREATEST INSIGHT
FROM OUR REPORT
MY NUMBER ONE GOAL TO WORK ON
